Emo

Suddenly emo after finished watching few episodes of Hong Kong drama. Actually not because of that drama. I just think of something that happened around me recently. The relationship among human beings is really complicated. How come it just can't be a little bit more simple? Or because we always think too much, make those easy things become complicated and hard to understand?

I started work since my final exam ends and my semester break starts. I'm still the same, everyday busy busy busy even my sem break. Feel like not enough time for me to rest my mind. Actually I'm really tired. =( Can I refuse to work? Although that day I was thinking to find a job at Gurney which sell children's clothes. I think I will be more happy than now if I work over there because I don't need to tell others how good my product was but actually I never try it before. But to promote my company's product is my job. I have no choice. This is my responsibility.

I never feel happy since I work. Everyday boring like hell and sometimes I'm forced to lie! This is the thing that I hate the most! I don't like to lie! I hate that kind of feelings..Now what I wish is the time can pass by faster. Then I can stop to work and really spent more time with my family and friends. I just feel like wanna have a rest. How come my life everyday so busy? Before semester break, everyday busy with my studies, tests, assignment and exam. Semester break now but everyday work. =( Tomorrow summore need to work until 12am...=( My legs really pain d.

Last day for my second sem

Final exam is over. Tomorrow will be the first day of my semester break. But nothing for me to feel happy for. I will be going to work tomorrow. =( Didn't get to enjoy even one day of my holiday. I feel so tired and lazy. Can I just ignore it? Sigh..okay..I knew that is totally impossible. The first time I didn't feel happy at all when I know that I got a part time job.

I'm really disappointed actually. I think I will get a very bad results for this semester. I don't have the confidence at all. Maybe I will just get an A for my Account. Quite worry about my Programming and Information System. I feel quite upset today. Didn't have enough time to finish my Statistic paper.=( The second paper that I didn't have enough time to finish it after my English paper.

Just now went dinner with my family. I told my dad that maybe I will have a very bad results for second semester. He didn't scold me like last time when I was in secondary school but just said:" Never mind, just work harder next time. At least you don't fail any subjects then everything will be fine." I don't know how to express my feelings at the moment. Feel like want to cry in front of him. I feel so sorry that I didn't work hard enough.

When only I can change my attitude? How come I always regret after doing something? Sigh...

Stress.

I am really disappointed with my final exam.

Although I got all A for the coursework of all the subjects.

I knew if I work harder on it, sure I will get A for every subjects very easily.

But unfortunately, I knew that I'm not hardworking enough.

No other excuses. Just not hardworking enough.

.

Although I just need to take 5 subjects for my second semester but I don't know why I'm feeling more stress compared to my first semester.

I cried before my programming written test.

I cried when I was rushing my assignment.

The very first time I almost didn't sleep for two days to rush my assignment.

Everything just stress me out.

I don't know why I become like that.

Maybe, I just don't want to disappoint my parent..my family.

.

Today my dad brought us to dinner.

Really having a very long time I didn't have my dinner with my family.

My mom mentioned about the scholarship again.

She asked me to put more effort on my study so that I can get the scholarship for my advanced diploma.

Don't know why suddenly I feel so stress.

Maybe I scared I can't reach what she expected.

.

Sometimes I did very envy my friends who got 10 or 11As in the SPM.

And I quite regret that I didn't work hard for my SPM.

My dad and mom were working hard to pay for my college tuition fees.

Sometimes I regret that I didn't work hard to get good results in SPM.

If I got the good results, now I can apply scholarship and my mom and dad don't need to suffer so much about me.

So I know I should work more hard to get the scholarship for advanced diploma.

At least my parent don't need to suffer so much about me.

I knew that I "need" to get good results but not " want".

I just don't want to disappoint my parent.

.

Just done my Programming, Information System, English and Account paper.

Now just left my Statistic paper need to be done.

The last paper that I need to work hard for this semester.

At least I wish my Statistic can get an A.

Then I will start to work for my whole sem break. maybe? =/